trans{racial} adoption

I looked again.

I saw a huge crowd, too huge to count.

Everyone was there—

all nations and tribes,

all races and languages.

And they were standing,

dressed in white robes

and waving palm branches,

standing before the Throne

and the Lamb and heartily singing:

Salvation to our God on his Throne!

Salvation to the Lamb!

All who were standing around the Throne—

Angels, Elders, Animals—

fell on their faces before the Throne

and worshiped God, singing:

Oh, Yes! The blessing and glory

and wisdom and thanksgiving,

The honor and power and strength,

To our God forever and ever and ever!

Oh, Yes!

{Revelation 7:9-12}

When I think about the possibility that our children will have a different skin color than us, I marvel at the miracle of it.  Just two generations ago, when my sweet wonderful grandmother was just a little girl growing up in rural Missouri, she was instructed to turn around and run in the opposite direction if she saw a 'Negro'.  Knowing that all of our parents, the soon-to-be-grandparents of our children, are supportive of us in our adoption journey is a testament to the transforming power of Jesus' love in their hearts.  Still, as our arms are open wide, eager to welcome our child, regardless of race, into our home, I continuously pray that God will help us to help our children celebrate and honor their heritage.

Today I read a wonderful blog article on recommended reading for adoptive parents from Zelahlum Family.  Jayme and her husband have adopted their sweet Little Miss from Ethiopia.  I love how she gives her little caveat: "** Please use your brain while reading. I don't agree with everything in all of these books and you probably shouldn't either. ** "  Love it!  If you are looking for a place to start in researching international adoption, she's a fantastic resource! I'm sure you will fall in love with their family as quickly as I have:)

One thing that struck me in her post was her advice to read blogs of adult adoptees:

I also think that everyone should be reading the books and blogs (and watching the movies) listed by John Raible. People tend to be resistant to hearing the voice of the adoptee and it blows my mind. If a child could write a parenting book we would read it because we want to be the best parents we can be and there's no way to do that better than to get into that child's mind and see through their eyes. Well, surprise! Adoptees can and do write books/articles/blogs etc and we can read them and see through their eyes.

I don't remember how I found John Raible's blog a few months ago, but I am so glad that I did.  He's straight-forward, challenging, honest, and sometimes is a bit harsh, but I think that's because he cares so deeply about educating adoptive parents.  He genuinely desires to communicate, to dialogue, to educate adoptive parents about the issues that inevitably they face as a transracial family.  I highly recommend reading this article from Adoption Today when he interviewed a Korean adult adoptee:

To be color-blind is to deny the reality of race. Even if we don’t personally believe in race, many people still do. Even if we ourselves claim to be non-racist, many, many other people still are. The sad reality is that children of color will be targeted by racist people, eventually. It can be shocking for young people of color to suddenly be confronted by racism when they leave the family nest and go off to college or have other encounters in the “real world.”

And his advice to parents:

This is why I tell parents to live in integrated areas where they can have a chance to socialize with diverse others. Moving to multicultural neighborhoods, for instance, and joining integrated houses of worship is not just good for their adopted kids of color. It is good for the whole family, in the sense that everyone benefits from getting to know people of different racial and cultural backgrounds.

Transracializing our lives also invites diverse friends into our social networks who can act as teachers and coaches when it comes to analyzing race relations and responding to racism when it comes up. Adults of color can serve as real role models for transracial families.

More and more, I hear back from white parents who have relocated their families to more multicultural neighborhoods They talk about how beneficial such moves have been for their families. ... It is encouraging to witness more and more adoptive parents who are thinking in thoughtful and courageous ways about their responsibilities as parents raising children of color.

I'm grateful that we live in California and in an area that is relatively diverse.  Still, our friends C & S who have fost/adopted two beautiful brown-skinned sons and live just two miles from us, make a point of driving 20 miles to Oakland when their boys need haircuts.  They go to an old-fashioned barber shop, full of just black men, all get their hair cut.  In that room, their son learns a little about his heritage, is among "peers" that look like him, and he learns things that his mother could never teach him about what it's like to be a black man.

I think we'll probably post this Transracial Bill Of Rights For Adopted Kids on our fridge until it's seared into every fiber of our being.

I know that I have a lot to learn!  But, one thing I do know, is that ultimately we will all stand before the Throne of God, "every tribe", and sing praises to the Lamb who made this life of grace possible.

“Not only as individuals

but also as a community we become the living Christ,

taken, blessed, broken, and given to the world.

As one body, we become a living witness

of God’s immense desire
to bring all peoples and nations together

as the one family of God.”

{Henry Nouwen}